Bursting Bubble

Hello, Its been awhile. But hey, I'm' here.

Honestly I got tons of topic to share with you guys but it seems to evaporate every time my finger hit the laptop. The story just began to ceased after I keep on opening new tab to Google few stuffs or check my email.

Quick updates on my end; I submitted my thesis in September, been travelling back and forth ever since and my family came for my graduation day last November. Everything was good and colourful. Will blog about it later. Couldn't actually share the stories without the photos.

I'm typing this post at almost 4 am in the morning because simply I just miss writing and the thought of coming back home to Malaysia just daunts on me.

As a student, I love living in the UK . I love the ambiance, the professionalism  and the system reliability it offers. Plus, I'm always surrounded by my awesome people and Europe is just 30 GBP away!
If you would've ask me 6 months ago about the idea coming back to Malaysia, I would've say NO. But now it seems just about time. I wouldn't say that I had enough of the Great Britain. I think no one can ever get enough of the British or London. But I would have just say that maybe its about time to come home.

I miss my room, I mean I love my room so of course I miss it, I have started making mini interior plans to change it's look. Despite the tragic plane crash, the floods, the heat and the constant political conspiracy theory, I love Malaysia. However its the reality awaits that gets me. The pessimistic people, the family, the past issues, the unwanted future planning and all the negativity that comes with it. I have to say being in the UK sort of takes me away from all of that and allow me to be alone in my bubble of happiness.

The possibility of encountering my nemesis, the pessimist, your ex, and all the arrogant idiots by chance narrows my thought down to blerghhhh. I know its not inevitable but still there's a chance, And lets not forget the constant internal domestic issues raging on every aspect of our existence that we call life. Sometimes I wonder how I survived all that before coming to UK? To be honest, I prayed. I pray a lot for strength. And gracefully God granted me them. I found my tower of strength back in Malaysia but here I found happiness.

Coming home means leaving my happiness here. Leaving my bubble here. Leaving my positive self here. I couldn't take the new me home. She won't fit the circle I am living in. She won't. I know this.
However I am grateful God granted me the past year of blissful journey. I felt really bless to have experience such peace and happiness. I planned on posting this post  to remind me of what it feels like to be happy once upon a time here.

God will always be fair to His servants. I would have never doubt His judgement. Trusting them is what brought me here in the first place. I'm not sharing this post with the idea of me coming back would consist of regal celebration of balloons and laughter all the way. I would only humbly hope that my journey coming home will be a smooth sail and greeted with a calm heart, insyaAllah.

Till then, xoxo

Finding hope with a run in the park

I'm going straight to the point.
 I miss my people.

N and D obviously. 

My colleagues from the place I'd previously worked at. 

My team makan is next and the list goes on and on. 

Now I'm in the time of the month where my hormones are up 

so I get emotionally sensitive for no reason. 

And I really miss those people bad. 

I miss the weather in KL. The hot and humid KL.

Not that I don't love the weather here, but I just started to miss the heat very much.

 The worst part of all is that I'm starting to have doubts about myself. 

Like is it right for me to be here, 

 am I missing out something in life, 

what if I don't have any friends for the next one year, 

what if I'm making the wrong choice to be here, 

what if I fail, what if I can't fit in here later and etc

I couldn't bare to let my sappy self dragging all day so 

I went out for a run along the street that I never walk into till I found the park. 

Behold the Albert Park in Middlesbrough

You see, the ducks are actually swimming towards me,
they thought I was bringing breakfast for them..
I felt sorry for coming empty-handed.
I would've brought you ducks something if I just knew you and the park exist here!

I'll be here with breads in my pockets next time ok my ducklings?

Seeing these ducks-pack ducking their head in water and swimming away, 

made me feel I'm just so full of myself.

God has create these beautiful creatures and obviously has loads

 to think about other than the selfish little me.

Like how His people and creations are getting by, their hopes,pains and sorrow.

 And I am good and healthy, just emotionally distressed.

But here I am, acting as if the world must be glittery all the time for me.

I believe everything happen for a reason and I end up where I am in God's willing.

I just wish I'm a little bit stronger like I was once before.

I wish I could embrace whats in front of me rather than thinking the what if's.

I hope I'm able to let go of the past and enjoy the life I am destined to.

I hope, I hope, I hope..

Hee.  Lot of I hopes there.

Regardless, the fate will happen in their own ways anyways.

Better as well learn to survive and let it be.

Just remember my dear self to always rise and pray

Notice the colour, its black and white ducks and they are couples!

---------------------------------

xoxo. Love you!

A day and two as an Indie Girl..

Self-snap. Takde kawan nak snap kan..

Hellooo people!

I'm gonna spill few stories about my days here in Middlesbrough.
A quick one.

• I met my first hall-mate here at my hostel on my first day. She's a Caucasian. It took us only 2 seconds to exchange hello's and she already invite me to have a cup of tea with her and brought me around town to show me few ropes. We bought some food and toiletries at few supermarkets together.So I da ada kawan matsaleh sekarang..WINK 
• I did not experience any jet-lag. Sumpah pelik! Maybe I'm a different species or something
• Over weekends most of the clothing shops has "weekend discount" up to 20% 
• Topshop outlets offer 20% discounts for students for ALL items at ALL times.
• Their second hand shops offer quality items and are in really good shape. The sell coats, clothes, electrical stuff like tvs, fridge at half the price from the originals. Bought this coat for 20 Pounds. Its a good bargain isn't it?

• Their main road in the streets where I live in is like what we call "jalan kecik" in Malaysia. So cute. Ada traffic light pulak tu. Hehe

• Loads of halal food and supermarkets around here. So there will be no such thing as kebuluran for me. You can easily find kebab, pizza, lamb chops, and Indian food restaurant. These are my dining food so far. Alhamdulilah

• Subway sini halal katanya

• This is what Brahim processed food look like, which I bought from Malaysia. Had that for lunch. Sedap!

• Haven't been to the classes yet but the class timetable changes every week and has been outlined for the entire semester.

• The have a shop called Poundland where they sell everything in 1 pound. Unlike Daiso, here they sell detergents, pots and pans, toiletries, food, chocolates with wide range of brands. 
• I'm not a fan of milk (except makan dengan cereals), but after tasted this Strawberry milk..memang sedap giler. It doesn't have that milky smell or taste. Its more like a mixture of strawberry and vanilla in a creamy liquid

• On my second day I met with other Malaysians who invite me to their house for lunch. The host was the most nicest  and accommodating Malaysian I have always dream to met. I nak snap more pics with them but it was my first visit there so..malu la. They served us Nasi Ayam (chicken rice), pavlova, keropok and fruit salad. 

Surprisingly I fit in to the routine here easily. Alhamdulilah.

That will be all for now. Will keep you posted.

xoxo. Love you!

Surviving on whsipers

5-days in Akademi Kenegaraan for training. 5 hari yang penuh keselesaan

Lately surviving life can be a struggle.
Accepting few unwanted facts in life can be a huge struggle to adapt.
There are moments where I thought to myself to just open your mind and let it be. 

To accept and allow life to unfold by itself. 

To believe concretely that God always has better plans for you.
To know that escape was never an option as this is your life. 

 I'm still in the midst of the processing to this mind settings.

However there are times when you feel like breaking down after handling so much crap,
the positivity will starts radiates inside you and my heart will say,
you've been through this crap a million times reena,
in the end its all going to be ok.

Then I lift my head up and face with the same crap again, 

my mind will says, ni semua sekejap je ni. 

This too shall pass like any other drama before this.

And when I'm facing all of this sadness alone,
deep down I knew that God has sets whats best for me and  its for my own good. 

It may not be for now but it will be someday.

Cause you know that God never make mistakes. 

Kita harus yakin dengan ketentuan-NYA. For this I will get up dan kuatkan semangat lagi.

At times when I feel I could not bare much longer, I would whisper to myself,  

Tuhan takkan uji hamba-Nya lebih dari kemampuan hamba itu sendiri. 

You can survive this. Take a look around you,

there are people who has suffer worst than you do.

Then there are times you ask yourself, why does God put you in this path 

when He knows you'll fail in the end.

You know the answer to this. Ada hikmah disebalik nya. 

There's always a silver lining in everything that happen. 

It might be for the experience or may be to learnt few life lessons. 

You know its for your own good.

But after awhile, 

when the whispers start to ceased and all you can see
is yourself as a smiling puppet yang menangis dalam hati.

A puppet that has continuously pray for ketenangan hati.

I know that God has always be with me and has help me tremendously. Masya-Allah.
But I just wish I could just go on and become stronger than this.

Thank you so much for dropping by and read this drappy story.
XOXO,  Love you

------------------------
 Sharing with a friend who listens over plates of these also helps.

Macadamia Cheese Cake and Flourless Choc Cake at Bens Gen Foodstore

Those were the days..

If I could turn back the time I would. 

Even to relive the bitterness that I once shook.

They say to live life with no regrets, 

to move forward and never look back. 

Even to the piece of heaven you once had. 

Life may be full of celebration and surprises,

And yet it still offers you sorrow over the rainbow that passes.

When thoughts are cherished and sad moments become memories. 

For I have always be grateful for each bliss that He has bestowed upon me. 

But if I could turn back the time where peace is relive, 

I would do it without a single thread of a doubt in me.

******************************************************************

Thank you for dropping by

Love you. xoxo.