Finding hope with a run in the park

I'm going straight to the point.
 I miss my people.

N and D obviously. 

My colleagues from the place I'd previously worked at. 

My team makan is next and the list goes on and on. 

Now I'm in the time of the month where my hormones are up 

so I get emotionally sensitive for no reason. 

And I really miss those people bad. 

I miss the weather in KL. The hot and humid KL.

Not that I don't love the weather here, but I just started to miss the heat very much.

 The worst part of all is that I'm starting to have doubts about myself. 

Like is it right for me to be here, 

 am I missing out something in life, 

what if I don't have any friends for the next one year, 

what if I'm making the wrong choice to be here, 

what if I fail, what if I can't fit in here later and etc

I couldn't bare to let my sappy self dragging all day so 

I went out for a run along the street that I never walk into till I found the park. 

Behold the Albert Park in Middlesbrough

You see, the ducks are actually swimming towards me,
they thought I was bringing breakfast for them..
I felt sorry for coming empty-handed.
I would've brought you ducks something if I just knew you and the park exist here!

I'll be here with breads in my pockets next time ok my ducklings?

Seeing these ducks-pack ducking their head in water and swimming away, 

made me feel I'm just so full of myself.

God has create these beautiful creatures and obviously has loads

 to think about other than the selfish little me.

Like how His people and creations are getting by, their hopes,pains and sorrow.

 And I am good and healthy, just emotionally distressed.

But here I am, acting as if the world must be glittery all the time for me.

I believe everything happen for a reason and I end up where I am in God's willing.

I just wish I'm a little bit stronger like I was once before.

I wish I could embrace whats in front of me rather than thinking the what if's.

I hope I'm able to let go of the past and enjoy the life I am destined to.

I hope, I hope, I hope..

Hee.  Lot of I hopes there.

Regardless, the fate will happen in their own ways anyways.

Better as well learn to survive and let it be.

Just remember my dear self to always rise and pray

Notice the colour, its black and white ducks and they are couples!

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xoxo. Love you!

Second Chance

If I had second chance's at life,

1. I would've pursue my dreams of becoming a writer and registered myself as a Mass Communication student at my university
2. I would learn to eat less and cherish my health in my teen years
3. Choose my close friend wisely.
4. Learned that not all men are bad
5. Start building unity among my religion and nation to overcome the divide we are in today
6. Study hard for my SPM and apply for JPA scholarship 
7. Learn how to use my words carefully
8. Escape into more beautiful world than this where peace rules

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If I had the second chance, I will not be able to know that I

1. Cherished my life today for all the blessings God has given me
2. Meet beautiful people that has inspired me in so many ways
3. Met gorgeous people who has unlimited willingness in helping me in my studies
4. Learn my mistakes through my failures
5. Know which gestures are categorized as faux pas 
6. Able to distinguish between a lie and the truth
7. Know that I would have this level of patience 
8. Know that God works in mysterious ways to get back at you
9. Know how far I can push myself
10. Am grateful that I am not one of those drunk girls that you seen in the streets late at night
11. My own personal heaven is my room 
12. Learn how to accept myself not by self assuring, but by opening up my mind to the views and sightings of the world and know that those people out there are just one of us. 

Thank you for reading this. xoxo!